Death's Confusion

I was listening to a live Joy Division album when I realized something strange: I felt uncomfortable. I was listening to the live recording of a dead man, a suicidal man. I've always known that Ian Curtis committed suicide more than two decades ago, but it never really impacted my train of thoughts until today. It is such an intense realization to think that we're hopping around the world, having a shit ton of fun, and then we're dead. This makes me weary... To know that life is so similar to garbage; it can be thrown out in milliseconds. I've never understood the consistently serious and melancholy attitude of many humans around me. In fact, it's baffling to know that people take advantage of the only thing that makes them able to appreciate the world as a whole. It's not like I'm constantly taking outrageous risks and mobilizing our society, it's just that I appreciate the life that I have been given, I guess. I have always been the spontaneous type, it's just certain things hold me down from time to time; yes, this is an awful excuse. Now that I have no anchor to keep me in Richmond, I'm going to travel whenever, wherever, and with whomever! It's time that I light a fire under my ass, and get the ball rolling.

I'm not even done with this. I must do school-work!